Fight Without Hurting

August 9, 2009
Ephesians 4:25-5:2 John 6:24-35

Sing Teaching My Children to Protest written by me

I’m teaching my children to protest, they’re fighting ‘gainst me all the time.
I’m just getting them good and ready, to go walking down that protest line.

I’ve taught them to fight without hurting, use words tell the truth all the time
Learn freedom’s song, rise up singing, as we go walking down that protest line.

Star wars they know is a fiction, a shield can’t protect a frightened mind
They know that this small world needs loving, so we’re walking down that protest line.

They’ve learned to lay plants in the garden, seen the grace that grows through the vine.
And they know what will come of toxic water, so we’re walking down that protest line.

I’m taking my kids to the White House, but we won’t be tourists this time.
Democracy’s a word that we move-on, so we’re walking down that protest.

We’re walking down, singing down, dancing down, walking down that protest line.


This morning’s scripture reading from Ephesians reminded me of a line from that song,
“Taught them to fight without hurting, use words, tell the truth, do no harm.”
Fighting over possessions and desires is a frequent occurrence for children, all varieties of “that’s mine.”
And so we try to teach children to use words not fists or other implements of destruction.
And in the passage from Ephesians the reality of anger as a human emotion is accepted.
Yet there are limits placed on it.
“Be angry but do not sin.”
“Do not let the sun go down on your anger, it only makes room for evil to enter.”

So anger is a real and natural and sometimes very appropriate emotion.
The wider context of the song has to do with anger at social injustice; it’s OK to be angry at pollution and economic practices that are destroying our planet.

But how do we express our anger without sin?

But how to be angry and constructive?

How to be angry and build up the community of love?

How to stand our ground and at the same time acknowledge we are standing on holy ground within a beloved community?

How to communicate all our emotions, feelings, and needs as followers of Christ, who taught us to love our neighbor as our self, and to love God with all our mind, body, soul, and strength?

That is a lot of questions. And I don’t have an answer for a single one of them.
The passage from the Gospel of John that we read this morning, was the same one that was read last week, with the addition of one verse. Last week we ended with a question asked by the crowd following Jesus who were a part of the feeding of the five thousand.
The question they asked was, “What must we do to perform the works of God?”
Fortunately Jesus has an answer for them, and perhaps for us as well.
Jesus answered them, “This is the work of God, that you believe in him whom he has sent.”

Believe in Jesus. But what does that mean? For some it means believing in doctrines about Jesus.
But another way to look at it is to change “believe in Jesus,” to “be-love in Jesus.”
As Jesus makes real the love of God, the awareness that we are all connected on an amazing planet filled with all that we need to sustain a healthy life,
we are called to make real the love of Christ in our neighborhood.

What we must do to perform the works of God?
What does it look like to “be-love in Jesus?”

The passage from Ephesians that was read this morning provides some excellent answers.
So even if I don’t have the answers to my questions I know where to find them?

I am going to read that passage again, if you want to read along with me you can find it in your pew Bibles.

Ephesians 4:25-5:2
So then, putting away falsehood, let all of us speak the truth to our neighbors, for we are members of one another.

Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not make room for the devil.
Thieves must give up stealing; rather let them labor and work honestly with their own hands, so as to have something to share with the needy.

Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who hear.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with which you were marked with a seal for the day of redemption.
Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.


“Today's reading is a sketch (and a good one) of what it looks like if we say yes to God.
If we claim our identity in Christ, if we know ourselves as members of a body, how can we be at war with one another, outwardly or underneath the surface and behind one another's back?
If we truly belong to one another and to the Body of Christ, how can we, for example, hurt one another with angry words and actions? When we act out of anger, we hurt ourselves, in a very real sense, as the members of a body should not and would not hurt each other.
For Paul this kind of striving toward perfection was not exhausting but energizing, enabling him, in the beautiful and familiar words of Philippians 3:14, to "press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus."
The text invites us to do what comes unnaturally as a means to making it natural, or second nature" (Kate Huey, ucc.org)

Lord knows this is not easy. There would be some real debate over what our true nature is as human beings. Yet, we have chosen to be human beings who have decided to follow the teachings of Jesus. We have accepted a higher calling that calls us to care for ourselves, our neighbors, and God all in the same breath.
How I am treating you is how I am treating God.
How I am treating myself is how I am treating God.

I said earlier that I had no answers for that string of questions that I asked. Then offered some answers that scripture provides. And yet those answers ask new questions.
How do we use words that build up the community?

And how will do that in this coming year when we as a congregation study, discuss, and decide what it would mean for us to be an open and affirming congregation?
Are we able to fight without hurting for people who have been excluded from human community because of their gender, race, age, sexual orientation, religion, economic status, or physical limitations?

How will we study, discuss, and decide in a way that shows that we “be-love in Christ.”

This is where I have, maybe not an answer but a tool. Beginning next month we are going to offer a class on Compassionate Communication here at the church. This approach to communicating our feelings without blaming, judging, our hurting has been developed by Marshall Rosenberg.

The process, while simple to express in words, is actually transformative in practice.
It helps to make sense of some of the most challenging commandments that Jesus gave us, such as, “Do not Judge,” “Love your enemies,” “Bless those who persecute you.”
This process of communicating compassion developed by Marshall Rosenberg has been applied in families, workplaces, and between nations.

Compassionate Communication is one of the many approaches of conflict mediation which I believe all churches should be offering as much as we offer courses on the Bible. For me, it gives us a practical tool to make real the love of Christ.

It isn’t a matter of faith it is a matter of practice.
It isn’t a matter of wishful thinking, it is a discipline.

There will be information about this class in the upcoming church newsletter.

I believe that it will help us all fight without hurting, use words and do no harm.

And may we know what all children know, that this small world is made for loving.